Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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