Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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