sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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