im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
