I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
