Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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