why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
