God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
