my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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