I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
