You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
