Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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