found the other keg... it's in the tree
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
