Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize