stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
