I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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