You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
