Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
