This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
