Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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