Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
