I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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