just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
