i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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