I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
