My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
