we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
