giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
