Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Never underestimate the power of titties
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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