Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize