jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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