i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
