why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
