there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
