So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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