i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
