There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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