i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
