dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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