It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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