If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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