Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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