I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
