Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
