We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
