There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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