I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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