OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
