Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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