its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
