those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
