He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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