garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
