If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
