dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize