So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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