I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
