can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
