I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
