Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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