Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
