dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
