I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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